Grief is a strange thing.
It rears its ugly head in many different ways. Some it paralyzes with fear or sadness, others it causes anger to swell up and fester within them, while others it causes them to retreat into isolation. I just had a very good friend of mine walk away from the Lord. After many years of what I thought was a deep, Christian friendship, they picked up and left without even saying goodbye. This hurts. It hurts real bad.
I will be completely honest, I don’t really know what I feel. There are times when I am angry, thinking about all the time and effort put into a relationship that turned out to be a lie. There are times I am very sad as I think about the state of this person’s soul and the future that may be ahead of them. More often than both of these however, I just feel numb. Most of the time, I confess, I don’t feel anything at all. I feel almost indifferent toward the situation. Maybe it’s a defense tactic, not wanting to get hurt so I close myself off from relationships. Maybe it’s just the way I’m wired. I’m not a very emotional guy and most people will tell you I really don’t get rattled that often. Whatever the case may be, I don’t ever trust my feelings. They fail me time and time again. I don’t trust what I feel, I trust what I know.
I know Christ is King. He is sovereign over all things and all things are subject under Him. I know His plan is best, even when I don’t understand or even agree with it. I know He loves me with an everlasting love that I can’t comprehend. I know that He still sees my friend and in one way or another, is not done with them yet. I can trust in what I know. I can trust Jesus.
That’s what gets me through. I’m not saying emotions are always bad either. The Bible tells us very clearly to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. We see many times where God is said to have one emotion or another. I believe part of being made in the image of God is that we have emotions. However, our emotions are linked to our sinful nature and hearts. We cannot trust them, however convincing they may be. Proverbs 3:5-7 says,
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.”
This is what I must remember. No matter what happens, my path will be made straight if I trust in the Lord.
So here’s to you my lost and wayward friend. I pray you seek the Lord one day. I pray you will find the rest and peace that you are seeking. I pray you will find that you need Jesus above all else. I pray you will seek His face while He may be found. I will always love you and pray for you. If you are reading this, run to Jesus. He has what you are looking for.